Ask Me How I Got Here
begins as Addie sheds one boyfriend and takes on another. Shortly after the new
relationship begins, she learns that she is pregnant and aborts the baby almost
immediately. Following this, she shuns her boyfriend, quits cross-country, lies
to her family about where she is, and begins spending all of her time in a
coffee shop with former teammate Juliana.
This was my first experience with Christine Heppermann, but,
as a longtime lover of Ellen Hopkins and stories told in verse, I began this
book with high hopes. However, it didn’t take long for me to realize that the
story is not so much a story as it is scattered ramblings that all just happen
to concern one girl.
Addie’s leap from one relationship to another is so quick
that I didn’t initially realize there was a new person in the picture. This
might be because the dialogue is inconsistent, and it is often difficult to
discern which person is speaking. Some dialogue is in italics… some is in
quotation marks. Some is without punctuation at all. There is no discernible
pattern.
Addie never specifically tells us that she is struggling
from her decision. She goes from learning about her pregnancy to having an
abortion in a matter of pages. This is not something she thinks about. It is
more like something that happens to
her rather than a choice she makes. The rest of the book seems to lack
direction and is perhaps more concerned with exploring other issues, like
Addie’s sexuality.
Though I would have loved to see more of Addie’s thoughts
behind her abortion and the guilt that followed it, I actually happened to
appreciate that Addie’s suffering is revealed externally rather than
explicitly. Her struggles manifest more through things she does (or doesn’t do)
rather than her internalizing everything. Unfortunately, this is about the only
thing I appreciated.
I personally disliked Addie’s constant comparison of herself
to the Virgin Mary. It is a sense of entitlement that is neither deserved nor
explained. It makes it seem that she does not believe her pregnancy is a result
of her actions, and that she became pregnant not by sex but by some divine
intervention. It seems that she is not taking responsibility for her role in
conception. At the same time, it is interesting that she writes in this manner.
It is interesting to see her perspective on her actions, and to
wonder if she views what she did as a sin at all.
Perhaps my biggest issue with the book is that it’s never
actually clear whether it sides with a pro-life or a pro-choice mentality. Sure,
we can make assumptions, but is the message that it’s okay to have an abortion,
or do her struggles mean to discourage other young women from making the same
mistake?
Ultimately, I found this book to be fragmented and jarring.
It could have said a great deal about any number of things, but the story
suffers from the form in which it is told. Perhaps it could have had more
potential if it were told in prose.
